Of course we all have glass ceilings in our lives. Some I’m sure are easier to speak of than others. For me its a combination of two things. My worries often get the best of me and lack of self confidence.
Its funny because I think most people who know me know my confident, outgoing, center of attention, funny side… what many people don’t know about me is that I’m very self conscious. I do care what others think despite my constant will to convince myself that I don’t. I have always been very uncomfortable leaving my house with out make-up on, I’m never comfortable with what I’m wearing or how I look or my size, and I hate hate hate my teeth. In fact Sean often questions why I care what he thinks…. its hard to explain I just do. I feel this often holds me back, it opens the doors for me to constantly doubt myself, my ideas, my ability to succeed! I almost always have a wall up thinking people are judging me or creating a vision about me that is not true. For this reason alone I think I often try to please everyone, and we all know that doesn’t always work out. I wish I could define where this lack of self confidence comes from but I can’t I think I have always accepted this is who I am and it will be an ongoing battle for the rest of my life.
Another glass ceiling of mine that often limits me is I have something I like to call “worry syndrome” some may call it paranoid. I’m afraid to put it bluntly of death. The idea of myself or someone close to me dying terrifies me. The pain caused when one passes is unbearable I hate to go through it and don’t want other to go through it. I constantly worry about everything and over analyze things and think the worst possible scenario that could happen at any given time. For example they other day I was stopped at a red light and I just happened to be under and overpass…. of course I worried myself to the point that I acquire and extreme amount of anxiety about it. While this is a minuscule example its happens everyday all day.
Unfortunately I have had to struggle with these two things for as long as I could remember, although I cannot find a reason why I feel this way, I have nothing in my past that has created these fears, I had a fabulous childhood all the way up to college and beyond with great experiences.
Two things I’d love to do before I’m 60
1. Live on an Island for a year. Hawaii, Bahamas, Grand Cayman anywhere to experience a different perhaps a better quality of life.
2.Travel the world and see as many places as humanly possible.
Well here it is a small glimpse into what you may not ever see of me on camera… although maybe you will! Your begining to learn more about me that I thought I’d allow my fears, my worries, my life…
This is as real as it gets ladies and gents!
